Office jokes for work groups

My boss said, "Think outside the box."
So I took my lunch box to the park.

Our office has only two seasons: "the server is down" and "the AC is too cold".

My laptop and I have an agreement.
It restarts for updates exactly when something is urgent, and I pretend to be surprised.

"A quick call" is office language for forty-five minutes.

I wrote "team player" on my CV.
In the interview they asked, "Which team?"
I said, "Whichever is winning."

Monday looked at my to-do list and laughed before I could.

The email said, "Please reply at the earliest."
So I read it at the earliest.

My office chair has wheels.
It is the only thing in my career that moves fast.

The tea break is the only meeting that always starts on time.

I asked for work from home.
Now I have home at work: the cooker whistles in every meeting.

The printer works perfectly all week.
It can sense a deadline from two floors away.

I replied "Noted" to the email.
It is office language for "I have seen this, and may we never speak of it again."

"Let us take this offline" means the meeting has ended,
but the problem has not.

The form asked, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
I wrote, "In this same queue for the microwave."

Everyone stays on mute through the whole call.
Then someone says something important.
Still on mute.

The office group has eighty members.
When someone asks, "Who will take the notes?", it has zero.