Food jokes for hungry people

Clean jokes about diets, samosas, tea, weddings and mothers who serve "just a little more". Best read after lunch.

My diet started on Monday.
Nobody informed the samosas.
Instant noodles are ready in two minutes.
These are the same two minutes as "I am leaving in two minutes".
My mother's "take a little more" and "a little" are two different measurements.
The last piece of barfi in the box belongs to nobody and is watched by everybody.
Dipping a biscuit in tea is a sport.
One second too long, and you are fishing with a spoon.
At weddings I am not hungry.
I am only checking whether the paneer is as good as at the last wedding.
The golgappa seller is the only person who serves six customers at once and never loses count.
"Just one more roti" is the sweetest lie told at any dining table.
The pressure cooker whistles three times.
Mother hears three. Father hears none.
I hear "lunch is ready".
In mango season, one question echoes through the house:
"Who counted the mangoes in the fridge?"
The fridge has not changed since I looked ten minutes ago.
I opened it again anyway, in case it had new ideas.
Tea solves everything.
And if it does not, there is a second cup.
Four samosas, one small packet of chutney.
This is the country's oldest unsolved sum.
I ordered a salad to be healthy.
Then I ordered fries so that the salad would not feel lonely.
The pickle jar on the top shelf is mother's bank locker,
with better security.
"Dinner is ready" from mother means: come now.
"Coming" from me means: after this one video.

Who this set suits

Family groups, hostel and flatmate groups, office lunch groups and anybody on the second day of a diet. Food is the safest subject in humour: nobody is hurt by a samosa. Children understand most of these, and grandparents will add their own version.

How to tell them

Send them when people are hungry: just before lunch, at evening tea time, or on the way to a wedding. Aloud, slow down at the name of the food; the listener's mouth should water before the twist comes. The diet jokes are best told about yourself: "my diet started on Monday", never "your diet".

When to hold back

Do not aim a diet or weight joke at any person, and skip them altogether if somebody in the group is unwell, on a strict medical diet or fasting that day. A joke about a full plate also lands badly in the same hour as sad news. Food jokes are for ordinary, comfortable days.

More jokes

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